CURS Voskresnik, 1 April

As you know, today is the legendary Fool’s Day, 1 April. Do not trust anybody, beware of crazy jokes that could make you a fool for ever! We officially declare that CURS is a serious organisation and we never allow any silly merry-making. Therefore, please receive our urgent announcement with maximum attention and responsibility.

In accordance with the well-known Soviet tradition of “subbotnik”, we are organising a “voskresnik” this Sunday, 1 April. After a long discussion (which lasted for approximately 30 hours with a short break), we decided to create a monument of the renowned Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov, who studied in Cambridge in the 1920s. We agreed that we could rely on you, our friends, to construct the monument efficiently and qualitatively, so we only had to arrange a place and building materials.

Fortunately, the City Council has authorised the demolition of an obsolete and useless building for this cause. (Although it is quite possible that they may change their mind and recall the permission, hence we need to be quick!) The building in question is the (in)famous School of Pythagoras, the oldest building in the University of Cambridge. We are confident that after its decaying for more than 800 years, it should be very easy to dismantle it (a gentle push might suffice). Not to mention, that we, Russians, are quite keen and experienced in wrecking old historical buildings (and practice our skills every so often).

CURS Committee, however, does not want to win all the laurels by doing all the hard work on its own. That is why we strongly encourage all of you to come and bring the implements and tools such as shovels, mattocks, baskets, working gloves (although only alcoholic drinks and snacks are indispensable).

• WHEN: Today, 1 April, 2pm
• WHERE: Front of Great St. Mary’s Church

The demolition will be followed by a lively disco on the ruins of the School of Pythagoras. The entrance fee will be waived for the volunteers (but we will have to charge for entry those who do not show up).

We rely on your consciousness and look forward to seeing you today! Please feel free to bring your friends and relatives (including spouses) to participate in this exciting undertaking!

Take care and prepare for working under our wise direction, comrades!